chelle's fic
Birthday fic for wesleysgirl 
6th-Apr-2008 10:14 pm
John snarky by Grrrl
Which she suggested I post, so I am.

It''s set in her "On Life and Living" AU, which is one of my favorite Atlantis stories. Widower John Sheppard takes his daughter to the science museum and meets a cranky, not-terribly-likable scientist. Yet, John kind of likes him anyway.

This little ficlet is set after that story, so if you haven't read "On Life and Living" and don't want to be spoiled go here first and read WesleysGirl's marvelous story.

The fic is PG 13. Set about four years after WesleysGirl's original fic.

Thank you to WesleysGirl for writing such a marvelously inspiring story.



"We learned about reproduction in school today," Kayla says, just before stuffing a whole french fry into her mouth.

"Oh." John tries to sound nonchalant, his eyes making contact with Rodney's. Kayla's 12 now, this is something he should have expected them to cover in school. It shouldn't bother him, really. He believes in sex education, besides he knows Jeannie went over all of that when it was time for the menstruation talk. He never imagined that at any point in his life he'd be grateful his boyfriend had a sister.

"I hope they got it right," Rodney says.

"Mrs. Anderson wouldn't answer any of my questions." Kayla picks up her milk and takes a long sip.

"Why not?" Rodney demands just as John asks, "What questions?"

"I asked about gay sex. She only talked about what men and women do and when I asked about gays and lesbians she said that she was teaching biology only, not human sexuality, and I should ask my parents."

John can't really blame a seventh grade science teacher for not wanting to tell kids how two men have sex. Hell, he doesn't want to talk about it.

"She should still have told you," Rodney says.

"Rodney," John says, because he thinks maybe the teacher had the right of it this time.

"What did you want to know?" Rodney asks, ignoring John's glare.

"Well..." Kayla pushes her broccoli around on her plate, poking for the best piece. "If a man and a woman have intercourse, and neither of you have a vagina, how do you have sex?"

That has to be at the very top of the list of questions John never, ever wanted to be asked by his daughter, but Rodney takes a drink of water and says, "Intercourse isn't the only way men and women have sex. Most of the things people do in bed together can be done by any two people, regardless of gender."

"Like what?"

"Kissing, touching, holding each other, you don't have to be a man and a woman to do those things, and that's most of what people do when they make love," Rodney says, and John thinks maybe he has the best boyfriend ever.

"But how do you have orgasms?" Kayla asks.

John thinks about crawling under the table.

"A lot of ways," Rodney says, as though he's talking about how nebula are formed instead of explaining sex to their 12-year-old daughter. "Mutual masturbation, oral sex, frottage..." Rodney points his fork at Kayla. "When you find someone you care about and trust and start experimenting, remember mutual masturbation. You don't have to have intercourse to have sex, you know."

"Rodney," John says, more sharply than he'd intended.

"What? It's perfectly safe sex. No risk of pregnancy or disease."

"I don't even know what that is," Kayla says, looking between them.

"Touching," John says, softening his voice. "It's touching your partner's genitals."

"Oh, okay." Kayla spears a piece of broccoli and chews it, her expression dangerously thoughtful. "Are blowjobs oral sex?"

When John finds out who taught his daughter the term blowjob, he's going to strangle them. Except he knows he won't, but he kind of wants to.

"Yes," Rodney answers. "It's a slang term for fellatio, which is when a man or a woman sucks a man's penis. Oral sex performed on a woman is called cunnilingus."

"I thought so," Kayla says and goes back to eating.

The next few minutes pass in silence. Then Rodney says, "Kayla, the most important thing about sex isn't what you do, it's who you do it with. When people have sex, they're vulnerable, and you should always treat whoever you have sex with respectfully. Never try and pressure your partner into doing something he or she doesn't want to do, and don't let them pressure you."

"I won't," Kayla says before slurping down the rest of her milk.

"Good, but I'm still going to keep repeating it until you turn 21," Rodney says.

Kayla wipes her mouth with her napkin and asks, "May I be excused?" Evidently completely oblivious to what she's just done to her father.

"Sure," John says, not even telling her to come back in ten minutes to help clean up. She heads upstairs and John watches her, hoping she's not going to call her friends and tell them that a blowjob is the same thing as fellatio.

"That went well," Rodney says.

Picking up his plate, John carries it to the sink and scrapes the remains into the disposal. Rodney brings his over as well, although there isn't much to scrape. John leans his should against Rodney's. "She isn't supposed to be asking those questions yet."

Rodney slips an arm around his waist and kisses John's temple.

"You did a good job answering them though," John says, because Rodney did. He doesn't think even Elizabeth would've done better.

"I've been preparing since the bra shopping," Rodney says.

Chuckling, John shifts enough to kiss him full on the mouth. "I'm glad one of us was."

"Next time, I think we should make sure Jeannie's around."

"Oh, yeah," John says, sliding his arms around Rodney, holding him tight for a moment before turning to clean up the rest of the table.
Comments 
7th-Apr-2008 02:23 am (UTC)
As a parent, I can see John's side of it - not wanting his daughter to ask those questions and yet, being glad that Rodney was there to answer them with honesty and without his hangups. A very sweet, funny story.
27th-May-2008 11:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you, hon. I can see John's side of it, too. I am an absolute believer in being open and honest with children about sex, and yet I still don't *want* to have those conversations with my son.

Although I apparently explained menstruation so well that he then wanted to know if our female cat menstruated and if not how come. //hangs head//
7th-Apr-2008 02:24 am (UTC)
awwww...And also, bwaa hahaha Poor boys.
27th-May-2008 11:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I love this universe and it was such a pleasure to write in it.

Wesleysgirl should have birthdays more often.
7th-Apr-2008 02:36 am (UTC)
Talk about a timely fic...
27th-May-2008 11:14 pm (UTC)
This isn't a timely reply by a longshot, but I'm guessing you had to have chat with one of your kids...
7th-Apr-2008 02:51 am (UTC)
Oh boys. And Rodney is the most awesome boyfriend ever. EVER.
27th-May-2008 11:15 pm (UTC)
He totally is. Rodney is the bestest boyfriend, even when he isn't. /g/
7th-Apr-2008 03:01 am (UTC)
Rodney did a great job! When I asked sex questions, my mom just pointed to the encyclopedias and told me to look it up. :P
27th-May-2008 11:16 pm (UTC)
My mother gave me a book and told me not to read the chapter on contraception. Apparently, she thought if I knew how to avoid pregnancy I'd have sex.

Of course I was already having sex. /g/

Rodney would make an awesome parent when it comes to stuff like that.
7th-Apr-2008 03:16 am (UTC)
Good talk! And good fic. :-)
27th-May-2008 11:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you!! If only we'd all had parents like Rodney to talk to us about sex.
7th-Apr-2008 03:22 am (UTC)
loved Rodney's forthrightness and honesty. and poor John's total embarrassment. He doesn't want his baby girl to grow up and ask those questions yet! very cool, you captured the feel of the original story and added your own narrative voice too...
27th-May-2008 11:20 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm pleased you liked it.

I think Rodney would be a great parent when it came to stuff like sex. He'd be all for supplying factual information.

Whereas John...
7th-Apr-2008 03:33 am (UTC)
Poor John,his daughter growing up before his eyes. Great addition to this universe.
27th-May-2008 11:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you! That whole kids growing up thing is *tough.* I want mine to stop. /g/
(Deleted comment)
31st-May-2008 10:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I do think Rodney would be all about making sure his daughter had medically correct information.

As the parent of an 11-year-old I completely identify with John's squeamishness. /g/
7th-Apr-2008 03:42 am (UTC)
I love how Rodney explained it all without any embarrassment! Good for him.
31st-May-2008 10:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Rodney's so good that way. All kids should have a Rodney to talk to.
7th-Apr-2008 03:46 am (UTC)
I wish I'd done that well telling my daughter. Now I feel certain I screwed up big time. Next time, you get to answer her questions. ;)
31st-May-2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
I'm sure you did fine. I have to admit that I do much better in fic than I have with my own son.

Although those idiotic commercials from the Dept of Health and Human Services in which junior high aged children ask their parents to tell them to say 'no' to sex irritated me to the point that I ended up telling my son that I would never tell him not to have sex. I would tell him to be respectful and kind, and safe, but not to not do it.

He's 11 so I'm not sure how much of it he gets yet. Which is fine with me. /g/
7th-Apr-2008 04:42 am (UTC)
*giggles*

Oh, my. Rodney sounds so very calm in this. *bows* Nice!
31st-May-2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

I think he was only calm because he'd been practicing in the mirror. /g/
7th-Apr-2008 05:11 am (UTC) - Ah-haha
*chuckles*
I read this in a kind of horrified fascination because my son's ten now, and he's coming to that age where he's gonna want to know details, and I'm gonne hafta scrub my brain with bleach after we cross that line. 'Cause heavens know my J isn't up to the task of discussing sex with The Boy. Heh.
Excellent addition to one helluva awesome AU.
Gods I love this fandom.
-----}-@
31st-May-2008 10:26 pm (UTC) - Re: Ah-haha
Thank you! I share your fears. My son's 11, and it's tricky. He was most unhappy with me for giving him a book about puberty for X-mas, but I wanted to be sure he had good information available when he needed it.
7th-Apr-2008 07:24 am (UTC)
Delightful. I love that AU, and this fits so nicely into it. I can absolutely imagine Rodney preparing that speech, with all of the different variations, depending on what exactly she asks. And John trying not to hyperventilate. Heh. I can't imagine what he would have done if Rodney hadn't been around, though I suppose she might be asking few questions about gay sex. Loved it. :)

One quick note - I think you meant 'shoulders' in John leans his should against Rodney's.
31st-May-2008 10:28 pm (UTC)
I love that AU, too. It's marvelous.

I did mean shoulders. Thank you.

I'm so pleased you liked the story.
7th-Apr-2008 07:49 am (UTC)
That brings traumatic memories of the time I was six and asked my mother what "doing it Greek" meant, and got a very frank answer about penises and assholes... (definitely TMI for me at that point) I've never asked my parents a sex question again after that. ::shudders::
31st-May-2008 10:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, no, that is way too much information for a six-year-old.

I'm sorry I brought that back.
7th-Apr-2008 08:10 am (UTC)
*hangs head* I didn't even get past the summary before I squeaked with joy. I *love* that fic :-)
31st-May-2008 10:29 pm (UTC)
I love that fic, too. It's one of my absolute favorites.
7th-Apr-2008 09:03 am (UTC)
poor ambushed John. And props to Rodney for bailing him out! Boyfriend of the millennium goes to...
31st-May-2008 10:30 pm (UTC)
Boyfriend of the millenium, Rodney would so love that title. /g/

7th-Apr-2008 09:25 am (UTC)
Very cool, if slightly amusing for a European, who got basic sex ed in elementary school...where, I just read it up, it starts slowly in first grade and works itself up--if the teachers follow the State curriculum, that is. By the age of twelve, everybody is already in secondary school, and let's just say sex ed should have been finished by then: In Bavaria, we just had a 12-year-old give birth. & :-/

Also, really, Rodney for the win (but then, in my head, a Canadian would be more matter-of-fact about it).
31st-May-2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
12-year-olds giving birth is frighteningly common in some parts of the US. They just aren't given any information about it first. The whole thing makes me crazy.

Abstinence only sex ed has to be the stupidest idea the wingnuts have come up with since intelligent design.

And sex ed in large parts of the US wasn't that great to begin with.

Will stop now before I really begin to rant. /g/
7th-Apr-2008 09:43 am (UTC)
Heee. I love that Rodney has all the answers. I adore this 'verse and this is a lovely complement to it. :)
31st-May-2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you, hon.

I adore this universe, too.
7th-Apr-2008 11:19 am (UTC)
Oh, Rodney for the win! :D Wish I'd had a Rodney around, I got all my information the wrong way. ;)
31st-May-2008 10:35 pm (UTC)
I got mine from books. /g/

I love that icon, btw.
7th-Apr-2008 12:27 pm (UTC)
I really love this, it's so great. Thank you so much for writing it.

Is it okay if I link to it from my main SGA page, so people don't miss it?
7th-Apr-2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
Of course you can link to it. It's your present. /g/
7th-Apr-2008 01:51 pm (UTC)
Aw, poor John! I love how matter-of-fact Rodney is though.

And I want to hear more about the bra shopping. *g*
31st-May-2008 10:38 pm (UTC)
The bra shopping?

Well, John blusehd, a lot, and Rodney kind of stammered, and the saleslady looked at John like he was some kind of weirdo as he tried to explain that they were looking for a bra, until Kayla came up and said, "You can ignore my Dads. They're kind of freaked out."

At which point John and Rodney retreated to the men's department.
7th-Apr-2008 02:05 pm (UTC)
*loves*


31st-May-2008 10:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you!!
8th-Apr-2008 07:37 am (UTC)
This is fabulous. It feels perfectly at home in wesleysgirl's verse. I always love seeing Kayla and Rodney together, because they just get each other so well. Also, I love that Rodney has been preparing for this talk. I can see him doing that. :o)
31st-May-2008 10:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so glad you feel it fits. I love those stories.

Kayla and Rodney do get each other, in their own unique way. /g/

I'm so pleased the story worked for you. Thank you.
8th-Apr-2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
Lovely, lovely, lovely. You totally nailed Kayla (my, that sounds dirtier than I meant it), that kind of precocious calm that makes her such a unique character. I love Rodney's answers, and that next time, he totally wants Jeanie around :D
31st-May-2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm thrilled you think I got Kayla right. It's hard to right someone else's original characters. You dont' want to mess it up.

I'm so pleased you liked the story.
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